Two sides

I've never really found it difficult to reconcile the (mind the sarcasm) "normal Australian Girl" me and Chinese me. Because they are one and the same. I am an Australian and also I am half Chinese. One of my favourite dishes is Chicken Rice (in fact, I ate it today at Tak Chee). I grew up celebrating a number of different things including Chinese New Year and Moon Festival. A lot of things I do without thinking. Like all the superstitious things; not western superstitions, if I believed in those I'd still have bad luck because I've broken that many mirrors it's not funny. But things like not sweeping on the first day of Chinese New Year (because you'll sweep all your luck away. Not wearing black to weddings. Or on my birthday (because wearing black on these occasions is like ill wishing). We have a little mirror hanging outside the house to reflect all the bad luck away as we are at the end of the street (and also I think to trap any bad spirits). I used to have to think about it when I was younger, but now I just do them. And those are only the things I can think of!

And on the other side from all that, is the part of me that likes to eat pies, and anything with potato, and is loud and outspoken, and can't speak Cantonese yet and has a ridiculous amount of shoes.

It's not hard to mix the two because all of it, the superstition, the outspokenness, everything, is me. Some people talk of feeling out of place. To be honest, I feel as much at home in Singapore or Malaysia as I do in Australia. Okay, so Singapore makes me think I really should learn Mandarin, if only so I can understand all the people who assume I must speak it there, but other than that, I am comfortable. I blend in. There are a lot of Eurasians in these places (especially Singapore), and once I've been there a day or two I just fit.

I have experienced racism, people who are rude towards me because I'm Chinese. Or because they don't believe I am. People who are just rude, asking me "what" I am. However as I've got older I've come to the conclusion that people will always be rude. And the most I can do (other than informing them that I don't approve of their behaviour) is ignore them. And carry on being fabulous :D!

Is This Really Better?

Let's talk about supermarkets.

I don't particularly like shopping at Woolworths or Coles. I do so for convenience, and for things I can't buy easily anywhere else (like milk, juice and cleaning products).

For meat, for bread, for my fresh groceries, I go to the butcher, the baker and my local grocer.

Although supermarkets are sometimes cheaper, they aren't necessarily better. I don't get the same level of customer service when I go to Woolies or Coles (although some are certainly better than others), my fresh groceries are often better quality (and sometimes cheaper!) at my grocer.

I have issues with the fluorescent lighting in big supermarkets. There are often so many people, and they are massive and sometimes I can't find what I want.

My favourite grocer is a bit of a hike for me, a half hour away. But when I go, I know that it all will be fresh and well priced, I can buy my chinese veggies there (for much less than the big supermarkets and much nicer), and also tofu and other chinese or asian products that are still treated as "unusual" by supermarkets. My favourite butcher is the better part of an hour away, but the quality is so much better, and so delicious. And no fat! Going all the way into Northbridge to go to the Chinese Butcher when we've got people coming over or even just for ourselves is perfect.

I've been watching a program called "Turn Back Time: The High Street". Tonight they were in the 70's, and a smaller more personal store was forced to close when their larger rival was allowed to slash prices by 20%. And people were surprised and sorry, even though it was their own buying behaviour that killed the business. In fact they blamed the other larger store much before they blamed themselves, even though they were the ones that chose where to spend their money.

I suppose all you can say is, shop wherever you like on whatever you like, but be aware of the consequences of your actions.

Two weeks

Tomorrow is Australia Day. "What are you doing for Australia Day?" everyone has been asking. At the supermarket, Australian flags abound and in the meat section, that annoying lamb man (I refuse to write his name) has his signs plastered everywhere about how Australian it is to eat Lamb on Australia day.

I love my country, and I appreciate the day of work but I don't agree with Australia Day. This is a day that commemorates the day that Australia was entered by the English who declared it empty, despite the people living here. Because of course, they did not count people of colour as people (the original survey only had flora and fauna).

*

So what I am doing tomorrow is cleaning. I'm not having a party; are you kidding? Chinese New Year is next week! We're going shopping for supplies and then I'm tackling my room and my bathroom. I might even fit in a vacuum! Okay, maybe the vacuum will happen this weekend.

Chinese New Year will involve many people coming to our house, having to clean frantically after the ones on CNYE leave (I hope they realise that we're kicking them out at 11pm this year, no repeats of frantically vacuuming and mopping the house at 11:40pm like last year)

It involves special food, beautiful decorations, family, avoiding wearing the colour black. It also involves not cleaning on the first day (technically it's sweeping) as you don't want to sweep away all your good luck. Oranges, love letters, the white biscuits with the red eyes. The loud chatter of the crowd of friends, the music playing in the background.

CNY is a full sensory experience. It has always been one of my favourite holidays. I might not get a public holiday for it (although I usually take the day off work) but it means a lot to me.

Also! I hope to catch at least one Lion Dance. Last year one of my favourite restaurants Tak Chee had two wind their way through the close confines of the shop. So in addition to excellent food, we got entertainment! Yes!

Losing your name?

If there is one thing that I don't think I'll ever understand, its why a woman would change her name when she marries.

I used to say it was a Chinese opinion. The majority of Asian women do not adopt their husbands surname, they keep their name, they don't lose it in a bid to look more like a family, or something like that. Personally, I've always thought that even though I plan to keep my name (basically forever), if I ever marry and have kids, I would still be known to other children as Mrs {insert lastname here}. Because that's what kids do. They assume their friends lastname is the name of the parent.

But I can say that it isn't a Chinese thing. Both my grandmothers, my Ah Poh and my Grandma, both kept their maiden names. I find this a little intriguing; not because my Ah Poh did, but because my Australian Grandmother did. She would have been an anomaly among her generation. If my grandmother were alive today, she would probably be in her late eighties, so for someone born at that time...

One thing my mother has regretted for years, is that when she married my dad, she changed her name. Completely changed it, looking at her on paper or talking to her on the phone, you would never guess she's Chinese. She's talking about changing it to something which is a balance of her old and new names. And in a lot of ways I'm pleased. It will be a little strange for her to have a different name than the one I've known my whole life, but at the same time, it's really quite exciting, because if feels like she is reclaiming something she willingly gave away.

One of my friends got married this year, and I was a little aghast that the first question she was asked, the day after her wedding (on facebook) was "Why haven't you changed your name yet???" And I felt like saying, why would you change your name? If it is so important that everyone have the same last name, why shouldn't the husband change his name?

Why must all the sacrifices be on one side?

(And then of course in most households the woman does more housework; even if she works long hours she is still expected to do the lions share of the domestic work, including childcare. Is this what we really want?)

*

A more extensive post on this topic can be found At BitchPHD (by bitchphd). It also discusses fair division of labour in the home and other such issues.

And Here at Hoyden About Town (by bluemilk).

Passing White

I was watching Deadly Deportment on Landline just now. Basically it was about how young Aboriginal women in the area are being taught additional skills in the hope of making them more employable, and giving them the confidence to dress appropriately and do well in whatever job interview they go for. It was a very good program, and it makes me sad that they feel shame over dressing well, and things like that, fearing that they will never be good enough, that they will fail, and it will be worse than never having done anything in the first place.

Some of the women involved (as happens in any mixed group) can "pass" as white. In some ways this is worse than being discriminated against for being different, as many POC experience. The casual racism in Australia is still very rampant and alarming - as anyone who has been asked "What are you?" (not who are you, what) can attest. But it is worse when you can "pass" because, suddenly people are making these horrible comments, not about you, but about people like you, maybe your friends, all because they assume that you are (white) like them. And it takes courage and strength to say to these people, no it's not okay, you can't make those comments about these people, these are my people and you are being rude.

I can't say that I know what it is like to be Aboriginal in this country, for I am not of that descent. But as a half-Chinese person growing up here, living here, it is apparent to me that the discrimination does not go away. When someone makes a rude comment about Chinese people, and then turns to me and says "Oh, not you Julie", or worse, doesn't realise how offensive they have just been, because I don't "count" or "register" to them as Chinese, well, if I don't say anything, then I am shamed. Because I have just passed, and it feels like I have let the side down.

I want to be strong enough to stand up for my beliefs. Always.

Themes of West Side Story

On Thursday night, I left work to go and see West Side Story with my parents and number of their friends.

West Side Story is an excellent musical, the songs were familiar, everyone sang very well, and overall it was enjoyable (although there was a very weird dream sequence with everyone dancing around in white after the intermission which confused a lot of people, myself included.)

But although it was very good (the actors were superb), I still found it a bit problematic and confronting. It's a love story, Romeo and Juliet (if you like) with the background of open racism, killing, police corruption, and (one case of) rape.

I know it is supposed to reflect the time, rampant racism and chauvinism (which of course meant that women of colour got the double whammy) but frankly, if that is what it was like (and I know it wasn't much different here in Australia), I can only be glad I wasn't alive yet. Growing up in the Eighties, in the lingering shadow of the remnants of the White Australia Policy* was uncomfortable. Being called names by the parents of my fellow students, and having said students repeat them is still rather disturbing to me, and so this play was, well quite provocative.

I did enjoy it though, I was surprised by how many of the songs I had heard before. I could almost sing along to most of them.










*Although the policy was fully disbanded in the early 70's, it took a lot longer for the people to follow suit. My Mother, arriving in the country later that decade and being one of two Chinese women in the town she was living in, made her an unusual sight. The other woman was the Doctors wife, and older matronly type that people didn't want to annoy as she ran the reception at his office. People used to come and stare at my mum. People don't like to talk of it, or think of it, but some people do still treat you differently when they talk to you on the phone, and then see you in person and realise you're Chinese (or black, or something other than the fully white person they were expecting after you spoke so beautifully to them on the phone). I've had people recoil when I introduce myself. Not much, because for the most part they can tell I'm Eurasian, but that's it. My Mum still gets it quite regularly. Because obviously a Chinese person must have a Chinese accent. But she doesn't.

On Saturday we get to vote.

The Election is on Saturday. I recommend reading this Infograph to dispel misinformation. Read it all the way through.

I got the latest information from my local federal government representative today (Liberal). I read it, the messages sounded good, it was filled with smiling people who looked happy.

One problem; I read it, I looked at all the pictures and... there was not one person who looked like me. Everyone was white. There were no aboriginals (or people with dark skin), there were no asians. There weren't even any eurasians (and of course there are lots of us). But of course there weren't! I can't explain the lack of indigenous Australians (other than an over-sight), but of course they can't have asians, they've been harping on about "keeping out the boats" for months! Guess what the faces of the "boat people" look like?

To be honest, it doesn't make me feel comfortable at all when I hear any of the political parties trying to get people on-side by bagging boat people. Because when I was a child in the 80's, and people were more overt with their racism, I used to get told to "go home". Which is a bit difficult as Australia has always been home to me. What with being born here and everything.

Way to make a girl feel alienated in her own country.

Make your vote count on Saturday.

The results of Bullying.

Earlier this month a boy took a loaded gun to school (in Esperence) in response to being bullied. He was suspended, arrested, and police initially refused to release him on bail. He's being prosecuted, it's possible that he won't be allowed to return to school (which he might not want to do either), and it also will probably make it harder for him to change schools.

He was wrong, violence is never the answer, and this shouldn't have happened, but;

Here's a question; Why aren't we hearing about what is happening to the kids who bullied him so badly that he felt the need to bring a weapon to school to defend himself?

A lot of children are bullied, some quite severely. And speaking from experience, often the response of authority figures (including teachers) is quite often very lacking. Personally, after three years of being bullied by a boy from my Primary School, when he tried it in High School, he got whacked with Here Be Dragons (roughly a thousand pages). It was a paperback though. I'm not cruel, I didn't use the hardcover. When I took my issues (in Primary School) to my teacher, I got no help. When I went to his teacher, I was told she would turn a blind eye if I chose to retaliate.

The really annoying thing is, had I gone to our Principal, when it first started in year 5, it would have been sorted. Or if I'd told my Mum (my Mum is very awesome), I know she would have done everything to help me. But for reasons unknown, I didn't, and just took it until explosion point (I'm a bottler, I know I'm a bottler. But as I've got older, I know it's important to say what I really mean. I've learned how to say this in a tactful way, for work, but still, you need to stand up for yourself in a positive way.)

I suppose my point is; to kids who are bullied: Go talk to an authority figure you trust, who can stand up for you and be your advocate. Kids are incredibly cruel; whether because you have red hair, you happen to be a minority in your school (like I was), or just because. And to adults: It is not cool to turn a blind eye to a child who is being bullied. Kids who are bullied can turn into bullies themselves, can do things like the above story, or they could you know get help from you and sort their problems out.

Bullying is wrong.

I'm really tired of

I'm really tired of people who come into the shop, and feel the need to ask me "Where are you from";

And I say "Australia".

Then they say "No where are you really from?" (Like I just lied to them)

And I raise an eyebrow and say "I'm from Australia".

And then the smart ones apologise as they realise how rude the question was. The dumb ones keep asking.

The really rude ones say "What are you?"

I'm not a what, I'm a who, and I already told you my name.

I think I'm kind of tired of this. I never got these questions when I was in Administration.