Saturday, July 23, 2011

Moderating myself

Sometimes I will write a post, and then sit on it. The previous post was apparently written in January, I only just got around to posting it.

My other blog has two posts written that I haven't posted yet. I'm not sure what I want to review for my first post and the ones I've written are a wee bit snarky, so I worry that someone who decides to read my blog will be rude about it.

I've been seeing a lot of posts About the treatment of women in politics, and also The way that Muslims are treated in the media, especially Muslim Women. I would recommend to not read the comments in the second unless you want to be either angry, or to count how many people did not actually read the article before starting to respond. It is a great illustration of the author's point.

So as a result I censor myself. I try and think objectively how my words can be read. I realise that through my own doing, I have a very small irregular reader base, but it's been illustrated quite well by others that it only takes a moment to go from that to many many people suddenly seeing your work. I'd rather not have anything overly inflammatory if I can help it on my blog.

Still, where can I draw the line? After a while, you stop saying what you're intending to say, if you're too afraid of the theoretical consequences to say it.

Two sides

I've never really found it difficult to reconcile the (mind the sarcasm) "normal Australian Girl" me and Chinese me. Because they are one and the same. I am an Australian and also I am half Chinese. One of my favourite dishes is Chicken Rice (in fact, I ate it today at Tak Chee). I grew up celebrating a number of different things including Chinese New Year and Moon Festival. A lot of things I do without thinking. Like all the superstitious things; not western superstitions, if I believed in those I'd still have bad luck because I've broken that many mirrors it's not funny. But things like not sweeping on the first day of Chinese New Year (because you'll sweep all your luck away. Not wearing black to weddings. Or on my birthday (because wearing black on these occasions is like ill wishing). We have a little mirror hanging outside the house to reflect all the bad luck away as we are at the end of the street (and also I think to trap any bad spirits). I used to have to think about it when I was younger, but now I just do them. And those are only the things I can think of!

And on the other side from all that, is the part of me that likes to eat pies, and anything with potato, and is loud and outspoken, and can't speak Cantonese yet and has a ridiculous amount of shoes.

It's not hard to mix the two because all of it, the superstition, the outspokenness, everything, is me. Some people talk of feeling out of place. To be honest, I feel as much at home in Singapore or Malaysia as I do in Australia. Okay, so Singapore makes me think I really should learn Mandarin, if only so I can understand all the people who assume I must speak it there, but other than that, I am comfortable. I blend in. There are a lot of Eurasians in these places (especially Singapore), and once I've been there a day or two I just fit.

I have experienced racism, people who are rude towards me because I'm Chinese. Or because they don't believe I am. People who are just rude, asking me "what" I am. However as I've got older I've come to the conclusion that people will always be rude. And the most I can do (other than informing them that I don't approve of their behaviour) is ignore them. And carry on being fabulous :D!